Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Life is Full

Sometimes I don't know where to even start writing. Life is so full. I am learning and growing in so many areas. It is not always easy but good nonetheless.

Monday night we went to bed with greenish-brownish grass and woke up with 4-5 inches of snow. Winter again. It is beautiful but I agree with Charity: I would like it much better if I could stay in our apartment with a hot drink and a good book. We always joke about a snow day, knowing it will never happen.

I'm trying to stay on top of my schoolwork and get ahead for Spring Break. Why is the last semester of my senior year one of my hardest? It's slightly frustrating.
  • Music Theory: Plugging away. Only two more chapters to complete.
  • Accounting: The test yesterday morning was really hard and I ran out of time. I have no idea how I did.
  • HR: I have a presentation on Thursday and a big project to work on over break.
  • Policy: Our second test is on Friday and I typed up a 20 page study guide. I have a lot of work to do for this class over break.
  • Speech: Our group demonstration speech went terribly yesterday. Bad for my grade; good for my pride.

I gave myself a papercut under my finger-nail. Do you have any idea how painful that is?

I went to a Lady Pilot's basketball game last night and sat with some of the other RAs. Have you ever been in a crowd of people and still felt lonely? It's not exactly a fun feeling.

I planned a jewelry party for the girls in Founders Village on Sunday night. About 21 girls showed up--a good turnout for an event. I made a gold/silver/black necklace. Quite classy.

I crocheted some more over the weekend and last night. My scarf is almost finished.

I had a wonderful quiet time between Chapel and my 1-on-1 with Julie this morning. I so enjoyed reading, praying, journaling, learning, studying, growing, soaking it all in.

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
Acts 20:24

Praising Him no matter what.
Jans

Friday, February 22, 2008

A Joyful End

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Blessings and praises. Both HR classes were cancelled this week. I took two ballet classes. I received an e-mail from Holly. Jessica and Dwight visited me. I slept for 7 hours two nights in a row (and tonight will make that three). The Shekinah Glory dance for Chapel went amazingly. I attended a seminar on grief last night. I escaped campus for the afternoon. I ate bananas with peanut butter and peanut butter cookies dipped in chocolate. I found out that a good friend is coming to visit me. Jesus and I had lots of conversations.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Challenges

This is post number 51. I've been composing it for awhile in my head, but there was no time to sit down and write. Now I'll probably forget all that I thought to write about.

I could tell you about my on-duty weekend. I could tell you about playing scooter-hockey in the gym on Sunday night. I could tell you about meeting with four girls for lunch today. I could tell you about my 15-hour stint on one project on Saturday (during which I cried twice and called my parents three times). I could tell you about spending time with my dear friend Kate on Friday and shopping(!). I could tell you about a speech test that only took 15 minutes. I could tell you about a wonderful phone call with my grandma in Virginia.

But that would take entirely too much time.

I have a new technique to refrain from screaming out in frustration in my Business Policy class. I set my open Bible on my lap and half-listen while I'm reading and memorizing. Creative multitasking is what I call it.

Four resumes/cover letters go in the mail tomorrow. I'm not panicking, just trusting. How comforting to know God has it all under control.

I was thoroughly challenged during our Insiders study tonight. Five girls and I dove in to learn about prayer and conversing our faith. I've been challenged a lot lately--to know Jesus, to study Scripture, to be vulnerable, to serve, to "get my hands dirty." I have a long way to go . . . but that's okay because Jesus is walking with me. I thought a lot about heaven today. It occurred to me that I will never be "ready" . . . but that's okay. His death paid it all. I can't wait to see HIS face.

Trying to breathe and
survive on six hours a night and
to live in the present despite the general craziness.
Jana Alexis

Monday, February 11, 2008

My Easy Load

Class news:
  • Business Policy: Definitely not my favorite class, although the first test wasn't too bad today. It's the huge group project I'm dreading--7 people, 30 page paper, 30 minute presentation, 38% of our grade, no feedback from the professor. I'm just a little frustrated but trying to do my best.
  • Music Theory: I found out today that I won't have any tests for this private tutorial. I show up for our one-on-one; I understand the material; I finish the homework assignments; and then I get an "A." I think I can handle that.
  • Human Resource Management: I'm actually kind of enjoying this class. Our test last week wasn't that bad. I enjoy studying concepts and not memorizing.
  • Speech: Speaking of memorizing (no pun intended), I need to be doing a lot for this class. Our first test is on Thursday and it's just lists of information. Oh--and my first two speeches went well. For the second special occasion speech, I did a eulogy as if I was at John the Baptist's funeral.
  • Accounting: Still enjoying this subject; yet, it's harder for me. We're studying bonds and stocks right now and it's all new information. I hope my professor can help me with the homework before class tomorrow because I definitely don't understand it.

The classes this semester aren't my favorite. Maybe I'm just ready to be done. Despite this, I'm pressing forward. The end is in sight. I can't let up now.

Praise God for a relaxing weekend at home. My job interviews were so encouraging. I went to my brother's soccer game. I spent time at the coffee shop with God and my homework. I went to church. I went shopping by myself. I watched movies with the family and ate Pineapple Upside-down Cake.

I sat in RediMed for two hours (for an eye allergic reaction) which actually turned out to be a blessing. God met me in that waiting room while I read "My Heart's Cry: Longing for More of Jesus" by Anne Graham Lotz. I just love it how Jesus does that--meets me in a very real way in the oddest places. I block out distractions for a little bit and spend some time at His feet.

Lord, all that I can't carry and cannot leave behind,
It often overwhelms me.
But when I think of all who've gone before and lived the faithful life,
Their courage compels me .
And when I'm weary and overwrought with so many battles left unfought:

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard.
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars.
I see the shepherd Moses in Pharaoh's court.
I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord.
And when the Saints go marching in,
I want to be one of them.

I see the man of sorrows and His long troubled road.
I see the world on His shoulders and my easy load.
lyrics by Sara Groves

Longing for more of the King
And for His Kingdom.
J. Alexis

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Not my week . . . but

This has not been my week.
  • I couldn't understand accounting and missed quite a few problems on my homework.
  • I opened a door on myself and bruised my knee.
  • I was completely frustrated with my theory homework, taking 1 hour to do 9 short problems.
  • I ruined two nails.
  • I thought I disappointed a friend.
  • I spent an entire day with my weaknesses hanging over my head.
  • I missed a perfectly good opportunity to talk to some girls on my floor.
  • I doubted myself.
  • I burnt chocolate chips while making Puppy Chow. (Don't ask how I did this unless you want a good laugh.)
  • I bruised my calf muscle pretty badly.
  • I almost lost my glasses.

And then I read this: "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us." (2 Cor. 4:7) and this "Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: "I desire mercy, not sacrifice." For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'" (Matt. 9:12-13)

That's me.
I'm sick. I'm the sinner.
Yet, He graciously provides mercy. "...through God's mercey..." (2 Cor. 4:1)
I didn't realize that verse in Matthew applies to me.

And so, despite all of the hard things this week, Jesus is good to me.

  • I prayed with two girls at two different lunch dates.
  • A good friend let me call at all hours.
  • My fellow RAs were such an encouragment. One dropped by with hot chocolate and a wonderful note.
  • I so enjoyed choreographing for Shekinah Glory and leading our rehearsal.
  • I went off-campus with Nora this afternoon.
  • I was able to talk to my brother at college.
  • Nora, Megan, and I "skyped" with Holly for an hour.
  • I watched "Wuthering Heights" (...watching a movie in the middle of the week...amazing!).
  • Dwight Robinson, our World Christian Action Conference speaker, challenged me.
  • Jesus is coming alive to me as I study the Gospel of John.

Praise God.
He is merciful and loving me still.
Jana Alexis