Wednesday, March 24, 2010

"being okay with the mess"

On my worst days, I start to believe that what God wants is perfection. That God is a new-house God. That everything has to work just right, with no cracks in the plaster and no loose tiles. That I need to be completely fixed up. I think that God's kind of people are squeaky-clean people whose garages don't leak, but really a lot of the people God uses to do amazing things are people who don't necessarily have it all together. A lot of the best stories in the Bible, the ones where God does sacred, magical things through people, have a cast of characters with kind of shady pasts, some serious fixer-uppers.

On my very best days, as an act of solidarity with my house, since we're both kind of odd, mismatched, screwed-up things, I practice letting it be an old not-fixed-up house, while I practice being a not-fixed-up person. I wear my ugly pants, the saggy yellow terry-cloth ones with the permanently dirty hems, and I walk around my house, looking at all the things that I should fix someday, but I don't fix them just yet, and I imagine God noticing all the things about me that should get fixed up one day, and loving me anyway and being okay with the mess for the time being.

Cold Tangerines

2 comments:

  1. Wow, you are brave! If I did that I would go crazy! My house, and myself, just need too much work! haha I can only focus on one thing at a time. But I do get what you are saying. It is amazing that God can use (and hopefully will use) a person like me to better His kingdom.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for the comment. :) I actually didn't write that...just found it randomly online yesterday. I don't think I could actually do a walk through my house like that right now! But I thought it was a good perspective and it encouraged me to be more content. I totally understand about only focusing on one thing at a time!!!

    ReplyDelete