Friday, April 2, 2010

"happy Easter!"

I just received an e-mail from a fellow secretary. She was passing along meeting materials for next week and included a "happy Easter!" in her e-mail. Easter. My world is so crazy at the moment that I almost forgot the day was approaching.

This used to be my favorite holiday. No, it had nothing to do with Easter eggs or bunnies or chocolate or new dresses...never did any of those (well...maybe I ate a little bit of chocolate). I simply enjoyed the specific time of remembrance. Remembering His death and His resurrection. I set aside time to meditate on each account in the Gospels. Relishing the history & story & deeper meaning. Some years I would spend weeks leading up to Easter reading and re-reading the last sections of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John. And some years (4 or 5?) our church prepared a huge Easter production...lots of dancing and artistry...my favorite expressions of worship.

But this year. Everything is different this year. I haven't really been home for the past week. There's no margin for downtime. I'm not sleeping well because of my back & weird dreams. And because of my back there is no dancing for me. I feel out of it. I feel lots of things. So much on my mind. Overwhelmed emotionally. Working through things.

How do I celebrate Easter in this state?
Can Easter still be meaningful to me?

There was no time for me to be "super spiritual" this year. Does Jesus understand? Perhaps He is okay with an overwhelmed & emotional Jana coming to Him two days before Easter with a "I don't have it all together" and "I need You." I hope He still wants me to come that way. I truly do need Him even more than I realize.

I'll miss singing the old hymns this year. Easter hymns are my favorite . . . and led to some of my most meaningful times of worship. Low in the grave He lay, Jesus my Savior. Waiting the coming day, Jesus my Lord! Up from the grave He arose. With a mighty triumph o'er His foes. He arose a victor from the dark domain. And He lives forever with His saints to reign. He arose! He arose! Hallelujah, Christ arose!

And I'll miss dancing. Perhaps next year, Jesus?

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